*Note: Please do not get offended. Answer is meant to be satirical. May contain dark humor and slight racism.*
Vietnam: WE’RE THE STRONKEST NATION IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD! WE REMOVED THE MONGOLS, THE BAGUETTES, THE CRAPITALIST BURGERS, AND THE COMMIE CHING-CHONGS! DAI VIET STRONK!
Canada: Welcome to the most peaceful nation in the whole world! We specialize in diversity, hockey, and maple syrup! And we will apologize for everything!
*Proceeds to club a baby seal*
Myanmar and Serbia: If you need Kebab removal services, please call 1–800-REM-OVER!
Russia: Vhat do you mean I’m drunk! Yuo Westerners just have bad alcohol tolerance blyad! Also, rush B, CYKA BLYAT!
Romania: ROMANIANS ARE NOT GYPSY! FOR THE LAST TIME, ROMANIANS ARE NOT GYPSY!
Germany: Ein Reich, Ein Volk, Ein Merkel! Heil Euro!
UK: Oh, those bloody Eurocrats! Your economy sucks, I’m out! And shut up, Scotland! You’re not leaving me!
Scotland: I should have voted leave back in 2014… You fecking idiot. You’ve just fecked us all.
India and Pakistan: See, he knows! You suck… A lot, UK.
UK: Yeah, yeah. Just shut up. You two still speak English.
USA: We’re the best country in the world! ‘Murica, fuck yeah! Hey Mexico! Stop that illegal immigration before I build the wall (or give you some freedom)!
Mexico: Jajajajaja, gringo! You call it illegal immigration, I call it… La Reconquista!
USA: … You’re delusional. Oh well, I won’t bother with you. Gotta give those A-Rabs some freedom and protect muh oil! ‘Murica!
Australia: Crikey! Those emus are attacking again! To arms! Get the machine guns!
New Zealand: *Grabs popcorn*
Syria: Help! *Slapped by left hand* I- *Slapped by right hand* have a civil war! *Punched by both hands* OUCH!
Japan: *Looks at weeaboos settling in his country*
Anime was a mistake.
North Korea: We’re the real Korea! Remove fake Korea!
South Korea: Not this sh*t again. We can overrun you in a week.
China: North Korea, stfu. South Korea, get rid of that THAAD.
Both Koreas: Don’t order us around, you…
North Korea: Fake commie!
South Korea: Fake capitalist!
Both Koreas: *Starts arguing again*
China: Sometimes I really wonder if I should have helped North Korea.
*Looks up at screen*
Oh hello, human! By the way, thanks for buying stuff that I made.
USA: Thanks for the iPhones, China! Oh yeah, and…
*Sends China a picture of a huge red button*
This is my nuke button. Much bigger than Russia’s or North Korea’s, in case you’re interested, baby!
China: *Death glares America*
How would you like your trade deficit?
USA: I’ll take two #9s, a #9 large, a #6 with extra dip, a #7, two #45s, one with chee–
Russia: Davai, yuo cyka blyat! Outings of my way. I will have six vodka, extra large, table for one.
Italy: Now who-a do you-a thinks we are? Ze USA? We not have extra large drinks. Only European medium*
*it’s more like a small for anyone in the US
USA: Hey are you calling me fat? Well I’ll warn you that I have a nuclear button on my desk and if–
North Korea: DOTARD HOW DARE YOU MESS WITH SUPERIOR KOREA WE WILL NOT BEINGS THE AFRAID TO DO BOOMBOOM OF GUAM TRY ONE MORE–
Russia: СУКА БЛЯТЬ! I JUST WANT SOME VODKA!
Canada: I apologize for interrupting, but perhaps we could all calm down for a moment, eh?
Japan: SHIT! WHAT’S THAT?
South Korea: DAMN IT NORTH KOREA, I thought we agreed to stop these launches for the olympics!
North Korea: Fine*
Poland: I CAN INTO SPACE TOO, YUO KURWAS KNOW.
England: Did any of you just hear something?
Mexico: No, I didn’t hear anything. Maybe it was a fly?
USA: What does ‘no’ mean. I don’t speak Españisho or whatever it is.
England: Do I seriously have to explain this again? “No” in Spanish means “no” in English.
USA: Well how am I supposed to no that, genius?
Japan: AHH! IT JUST LANDED NEXT TO ME!
South Korea: No–
USA: That’s it North Korea your leader is an old fat ma–
North Korea: Well at least I don’t have an orange with fake hair th–
USA: Oh you wanna talk about the hair? Well–
China: STOP BULLYING HIM.
North Korea: YEAH. I’M TRYING TO BE A BETTER PERSON!
Canada: I’m terribly sorry to interrupt again, but how about we all go to Tim Hortons, eh?
Russia: Does they possessing the vodka?
USA: Starbucks is better
France: HELP, USA! I NEET YUORE HELPINGS!
USA: *sighs* What is it this time?
France: WE HAVE SPOTTED A WEAPON COMING DIRECTLY TOWARDS US. NO TIME TO RAISE THE WHITE FLAGS! PLS GIVE US PROTECCION!
Germany: France, is just ein commercial airplane. Heading for your airport in Paris.
France: NO IT’S NOT! ASK SWITZERLAND!
Germany: Okay, what do you think Switzerland?
Australia: SPIT OFF YA CUNT!
Emus: *emu noises*
Australia: AGH! BLOODY HELL!
Emus: *angry emu noises*
Australia: RETREAT! RETREAT!
Australia: Ah, well we’ll get ’em next time, mates. Right New Zealand?
New Zealand: Uhh..Yeah. For sure…
I think I’ve been looking at too much Polandball.
“Stop scaring me!”
“Can you stop waking me up with sirens?”
*death stares Pyongyang*
“Calm down child, you still have much to learn…”
“Hey, don’t mock me!”
“China, don’t mock China. I love China! China, you hear that? Stop North Korea and stop annoying China!”
*death stares USA*
*death stares Russia*
“America, you’ve my back, right?”
“Hey France, ya think our new carrier could take on your lousy De Gaulle?”
“Je me rends!”
*fumbles with Russian to Ukrainian dictionary*
“I was thinking, with all the chaos in the world, maybe it’s time for another shot at the Bob Semple tank?”
*death stares New Zealand*